Friday, 23 September 2016

I had an abusive husband: My Story

Abusive relationships do exist. Abuse isn't only in the movies. I married an abusive man. My ex-husband abused me.

When I first met my husband, he was sweet, loving, affectionate and charming. He treated me like a princess and spoilt me in abundance. He made sure that I always felt loved and cared for.

From the onset of our relationship (barely weeks into it) marriage became a topic. He insisted that he was ready to settle down and was done with messing around. He emphasized the fact that he wanted a family and to be grounded. I felt ready for the same and rejoiced in the fact that I had found a man with a similar mindset. I couldn't believe how lucky I was.

Within a few months of dating we already had a wedding date, were engaged and had a baby on the way. Everything was happening so fast!!! Up until a few weeks before our wedding I had felt nothing but love and affection from my ex and so the fast pace didn't concern me in any way.

As time went by and the wedding drew nearer with everything becoming finalized, I began noticing marked differences in my exes behavior. He was becoming more aggressive and short tempered. He would flip-out during arguments or disagreements.
The anger he demonstrated seemed like it was at circumstances and the thought of ever losing me and not anger at me or towards me...

For example: He'd Get mad if we were having a disagreement and as a result I wanted to leave or return home. Even if I hinted at the idea that maybe things weren't working out and we needed to reconsider our relationship or anything similar, it would completely drive him mad.
He'd grab my arm forcing me to stay or block my exit out of a room.
Once I remember him pinning me against a wall to prevent me from leaving.

It makes no sense now that I think about it but at the time I naively attributed this to his love for me and the fact that he wanted to be with me so much that the thought of losing me angered him. I was so in love with him that I excused his actions and justified them.

I stayed when I shouldn't have.

The day of our wedding arrived and I attributed the doubts I had in my head and my heart to classic "cold feet" and walked down that isle to meet him at the alter.

Getting married was the final closure.
Things went pretty downhill from there.
Restraint became bruising, shoving and hitting...
He became emotionally abusive in addition to the physical abuse. He'd belittle me, insult me, threaten to hurt me... he even threatened to kill me on a few occasions. On one occasion I clearly remember him threatening to "bash my head in" while on another he threatened to hurt me and warned that calling the police would be futile as I'd already be dead by the time they arrived.

I learnt the hard way that abusive behavior in any form does not go away. It does not "
get better". It cannot be "excused" or justified. It is NOT okay.

I also learnt after finding out about my husbands cheating and affairs that he didn't really love me. I should have known because SOMEONE WHO WOULD HURTS YOU IN ANY WAY ESPECIALLY CONSCIOUSLY AND DELIBERATELY INFLICTING PHYSICAL PAIN ON YOU could not love you!
Abuse and abusive relationships are real. You need to get out because they only get worse. This was evident in my relationship - THINGS GOT WORSE!! It was a process taking over a year but it was escalating!!!

I made the decision to leave after I found out about my husbands infidelity and following him proceeding to hit me while holding our 11 month old in his free arm.
I couldn't allow my son to grow up witnessing that behavior. I couldn't allow my son to be raised in that environment.. so I made the conscious decision to leave.

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